Dear Carolyn: My husband and I will be taking a three-day trip with our two children, which we never do. We asked his sister and her family if they wanted to meet us for the trip. She agreed but now is worried about money. My family wants to stay in a decent hotel, dine out, and enjoy local attractions … nothing extravagant. She prefers to pack sandwiches and wants a cheap motel.
Any advice on ways to enjoy the trip and compromise? We dont want to come across as selfish, but we want to enjoy our vacation. Family
Answer: Youve got to decide, unfortunately, which is your priority - the accommodations or the company. Im not judging either way.
If the bigger priority is family harmony, then you revise this trip into something cheaper, and maybe use some of the money you save on sandwich meals to treat everyone for one nice(r) dinner.
Sometimes you want the trip you want, too, and youre entitled to that. If thats the case here, then it might make sense just to say to the sister that you planned the trip as X, Y and Z, and you totally understand if thats not what they want to do, and maybe a different trip altogether would make more sense for the two families? Later in the season? Or next summer or fall?
Then, maybe for the two-family trip you rent a vacation home near water, or hiking trails, where the entertainment is built in to the location and doesnt cost extra, and you cook your own meals together.
Short version, its OK to pull the plug on the joint trip if its turning into something you dont want, but it would be kind to be ready with an alternative that costs what theyre willing to pay.
Dear Carolyn: Im in my 50s and went through some very turbulent years in my youth. My parents died a few months apart when I was a teenager.
Ive thrived since then college, career, good kids/family, etc. but I have an emotional dead zone inside because of the grief I had to tamp down just to get through those tough times.
Is it generally a better bet to continue burying the past and focus on the real pleasures and accomplishments of the present? Or would it be better to confront the demons once and for all … even if that risks going back to a painful part of my life? Anonymous
Answer: Short answer, if youre asking, then you probably want to confront the demons. Contented people just dont dwell on this stuff which sounds so traumatic, Im sorry.
